Mario's Video Cam
by Zorra Lombardi
Summary: --Now officially a reposted version!-- Mario's little tour video quickly turns into a home movie disaster.
1. Mario's Video Cam

Disclaimer: I do not own SSB! That's all there is to it!   
  
Hey! Zorra here! Your probably wondering why I haven't updating MVC2 in a while. Well, this is why. I've spent most of the time re-doing MVC1 to make it sound a lot better. I'm giving it a shot and posting it to see what you all think of what I've done to it. I am going to continue MVC2 whenever I complete my revision on this. Then I will concentrate on finishing and re-doing MVC2. So this may take a little while, and some patience. Yeah I know -_- Well enjoy the revised edition of 'Mario's Video Cam.' And remember, this is based on SSB, not SSBM. So don't panic if you don't see any melee characters in this.   
  
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Mario's Video Cam   
  
On some afternoon, Mario stood in the hallway of the SSB apartment rooms. Strangely, he had a dusty video camera that he had gotton for christmas four years ago. It was a gift from his brother. Mario had just recently found the video camera in his closet, still in it's package, unwrapped.   
  
He cleaned the lense off a bit and quickly examined the electronic recorder. He then found what he was looking for. He turned the camera to his face and pressed the red "Rec" button, activating it.   
  
Mario cleared his throat. "Hello! It's-A-Me, Mario!" He said in his usual proud italian voice, with his famous smile on his face. But that quickly turned into your usual everyday, boring look as he thought of something to do with his cam. "Anyway, I'm going to give you a little tour of our infamous SSB facilities."   
  
Mario then took the camera off of his face and pointed it towards the hallway before him.   
  
"So, shall we begin?"   
  
With that said, Mario started walking down the hallway. Passing a number of closed doors, he sighed in boredom. "These are the rooms that we stars stay in. They're not great, but they're pretty much okay." He scowled. "Even though we don't get complimetary mints on our pillows and we don't have house keepers..."   
  
Mario suddenly came across an half opened door. A door which led to the room of the psycic wonder, Ness. The fat plumber perked up as he finally found someone with an open door. "Hey, it's Ness' room! Let's see what he's doing!"   
  
The overweighted plumber opened the door all the way to find Ness, who was on his knees with his hands clasped together, in the floor. Candles were lit everywhere and there had appeared to be a novelty, stuffed plushie of Him (Him is that devil-looking guy from 'The Power Puff Girls'), sitting in from of it. Ness also had his eyes closed and appeared to be chanting to it.   
  
"Kirby's always the hero... I want him dead Santa Ria... you hear me? DEAD!"  
  
Ness kept repeating those very word. Mario was dumbfounded. He obviously didn't take into account that Santa Ria was Ness' nick name for Him. In other words, Mario had absolutely no idea what Ness was actually chanting to. "Hey Ness! Who's Santa Ria?"  
  
The sound of Marios curious voice caused Ness' eyes to shoot open and go completely wide. He then stood up and turned to his doorway. There stood Mario Mario, staring right at him like an idiot. Ness' shocked expression that he had on his face quickly became an angry one. "YOU?! I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU NEVER TO COME IN HERE BETWEEN THE HOURS OF 3PM AND 5:30PM! THEY'RE MY PRIVATE CHANTING HOURS! WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOUR DOING?!"  
  
Mario answered the question in a rather innocent tone. "Making the official tour video for the Super Smash Bros for N64."   
  
Ness' angry expression didn't change in the least. "GET OUT OR ELSE!"   
  
"But Ness, the whole world wants to know who Santa Ria is." Mario chided, who still had the camera rolling and up to his eye.   
  
"Oh, Santa Ria? He's my god. I chant to him whenever..." Ness had finally relized that Mario was making him spill his deepest, darkest secret on film. "ARGH! ALLRIGHT THAT'S IT!"   
  
Mario seemed curious to know why Ness had picked up his bat and glared at him during that moment. He instantly figured out why, after Ness had nearly beaten him to death with it.   
  
Ness had literally thrown Mario out of his room. Mario was laying on his head against the wall along with the rest of his body in the hallway as Ness closed his door and locked it and went back to chanting. Mario just remained in his place, until he managed to slump back into a normal position.   
  
"...Ow."  
  
Mario finally managed to stand up with his video camera. Suddenly, an odd glint had appeared in his eyes. He smirked and turned off his video cam. "To hell with the tour. I'll do something even more interesting."  
  
A little while after Mario recovered from his confrontation with Ness, he decided to get started on the new project that he decided to work on instead of a normal tour video. He came up to certain captain's room.   
  
"This here is the unfamous Captain Falcon." The fat plumber snickered as he pointed the camera at himself. "Last night, as a dare from Samus Aran, Captain Falcon had literally eaten a whole truck load of cheeseburgers." He snickered even more as he began to turn the camera towards the open door of Captain Falcon's room. "That is why I call this little scene, 'The Struggle.'"  
  
Mario peeked his camcorder in Falcon's room to find a disturbingly humorous scene of Captain Falcon desperately trying to get his skin tight, purple pants on.   
  
"Ugh, stupid pants... WHY WON'T YOU FIT?!"  
  
He kept making struggling grunts as he fell to the floor and started rolling over trying to suck in his newly produced fat gut. But to no surprise, all attempts proved to be unsucsessful due to the lack of breath. He stops after about 15 minutes. Exhausted on the floor, his pants still not on. "Could this day get any worse?"   
  
It was at that moment that Mario decided to take the time to make his appearance. He walked into the room and stood before the floor rested Captain, zooming his cam in on his enormous gut. "Hey Falcon! Where'd you get that big tub o' gut?!" Mario had busted up in laughter after he said this. "Your almost as big as DK!" He said between laughs. His laughter was now beyond his control as he was now laughing hysterically.   
  
Captain Falcon stared at Mario in horror. He had been exposed of his new problem which was hard to conceal. Slowly, he had gotton up off the floor and made his way to the laughing plumber and punched him in the face using his Falcon Punch. In the process, Mario was literally sent flying out of the door and into the nearest wall.   
  
Mario was stuck against the wall as the video camera was still rolling and facing in Mario's direction as the plumber slid off the wall and hit the floor, leaving a humorous imprint of his body parts sticking out in any direction imagionable on the wall, along with burn marks surrounding the edges of the imprint.   
  
Mario sat up on the floor rubbing his newly blackened eye. "Ow... that was more painful than it looked impossible."  
  
The famous plumber was back on his feet within a small matter of minutes. He was now wondering around one of the arenas. "Here we are, on the Saffron City arena with.." He quickly put a huge, satisfied smile on his partial beaten face as he saw the unthinkable.   
  
"YOSHI AND PIKACHU MAKING OUT?! Oh, this is so priceless!"  
  
Mario got closer and zoomed in on the electirc mouse pokemon frenching the green dinosaur. He happily smiled and started sneaking away. "Allright, I got that taped without getting punched in the face or hit with something."  
  
Later, Mario had made his way to yet another person's room.   
  
"Here we are now at Kirby's door."   
  
Mario peeked his head in along with his video camera. He got a glint in his eye as he saw Kirby sitting at his desk with a certain object. "Hey, he'ls looking at something at his desk. Let's take a peek!"  
  
Mario proceeded to sneak up behind Kirby and zooms his camera in on what Kirby was looking at. The object turned out to be a small heart shaped locket with Jigglypuff's picture in the center.   
  
Laughter began to over-run Mario as he just flat out started cracking up laughing.   
  
"YOU LIKE JIGGLYPUFF?!"  
  
After that, Mario could not control his laughter. He was laughing to what seemed like no end.   
  
The pink puffball turned around to see Mario with a video camera, laughing hysterically. His eyes widened in anger. "HEY! GET THE HELL OUT OF MY ROOM!"  
  
To Mario's complete surprise, Kirby just simply pushed him out of his room and slammed the door in his face.   
  
The fat plumber sighed. "Oh well. At least he didn't use violence to get me out." He enjoyed a huge surge of relief as he saw someone off in a short distance. "Hey! What's Link doing?"  
  
Mario made his way toward Link's direction. He walked up to Link, who was standing behind the female bounty hunter, Samus Aran. His eyes, practically glued to Samus' ass while she polished some of her armor, unaware of Link's presence. She then drops the pices of armor she was polishing. She bends over to pick it up as Link's eyes go wide and he starts to drool.   
  
It was now that Mario took the opportunity to express his opinion in this little matter.   
  
"YEAH BABY! WAY TO STARE AT SAMUS' FULL MOON LINK!"  
  
Mario had once again started laughing hysterically.   
  
Samus' eyes widened as she bent back up and angrily faced Link. "HOW DARE YOU.... PERVERT!" She slapped him across his face and stormed away.   
  
Link's hand slowly wondered up to touch the pink spot that was slowly forming on his cheek. He suddenly got a beyond very angry look and turned and glared at Mario. "DAMN YOU MARIO!"  
  
Before Mario could even flinch from Link's deadly glare, he was picked up and hurled out the window of the second story building of SSB HQ (Super Smash Bros Head Quarters) and, with his luck, landed in a nearby dumpster. Mario simply smiled in relief while laying in the disgusting filth that he landed in. "Heh, that didn't nearly hurt as much as I thought it would."   
  
Suddenly, Link had peered out the open window with a familiar object in his hands. "TAKE YOUR GOD DAMNED CAMCORDER WITH YOU!" He yelled as he threw the video camera out the window, which had landed right between Mario's legs.   
  
At that point, Mario was not feeling so good anymore. "Well, that didn't exactly go as well as I'd hoped." He said in a rather squeeky voice. And once again, with his luck, the video cam was still rolling showed nothing but red overall seams.   
  
Once again. Later, Mario was at it again. Now with a funny walk, he approached the TV room and smirked as he found a certain vixen. "Let's see what Fox is doing."  
  
He walked into the room and went up behind Fox, who was sitting on the floor in front of the TV, eyes practically glued to it. Mario examined the TV screen and closely studied the contents of the television show. The show had turned out to be none other than a certain children's show.  
  
"OH MY GOD! YOU LIKE THE TELETUBBIES?!"  
  
As the plumber started laughing like crazy, Fox quickly went into a state of shock. His secret had been discovered by his least favorite person. He turned to Mario, getting angrier by the second. "WHY YOU STUPID LITTLE..." Unable to form anymore words in his mouth due to anger, he picked up a nearby chair and glared directly at Mario. If glares could kill, Mario would have already been dead on the floor.   
  
The plumber was literally shaking in his brown boots. He was now the one who was getting scared by the second. "You wouldn't... Show some mercy.." He continued to shake. It became obvious due to the scene throught the video cam. It looked like there was a violent earthquake in progress.   
  
Fox just smirked at Mario.   
  
"Mercy is for the weak!"   
  
After saying words that Mario never thought he would hear through his mouth, Fox chunked the chair at the shaking plumber, causing the camera to go static.   
  
Later again, Mario, with a few bandages on his face, turned his cam back on.   
  
"Well, I know not to go near him while he's watching his afternoon cartoons."   
  
He began to examine his current surroundings. He chuckled as he saw a big familiar ape sitting on a couch. "Oh look! There's DK! Let's see what he's up to."   
  
Mario walked over to the couch to see the big ape. He catches him picking his nos. He snickered as he zoomed in on DK's finger in his nose. "Hey there big guy! Whatcha doing? Digging for gold?" Yet again, Mario started laughing like an insane idiot.   
  
DK, however, acted as if he wasn't paying attention. He didn't look at Mario and continued to pick his nose as he raised his other hand in a fist and smashed it into Mario's nose.   
  
Mario dropped his camera and covered his nose with his hands, screaming in pain. "AAAH! MY NOSE IS BLEEDING! SOMEBODY HELP!"  
  
The camera filmed Mario running around, screaming in pain and clutching his nose as DK continued to pick his own.   
  
A little while later, Mario now had a huge bandage on his nose. He came up to the bathroom. The sounds of a certain person taking a shower could be heard. Mario snickered as he pointed the cam at himself. "And now, last but most certainly not least, my brother, Luigi Mario."   
  
He turned the cam toward the bathroom door as he opened it and walked inside. He tried not to laugh as he proceeded to show the world his brother in the shower, who appeared to be dancing. "Right now he looks like he's dancing and... SINGING?!" He got a little closer and listened more carefully.   
  
"We gotta find a paw print! That's the first clue! We put it in our notebook! Now what do we do?" There was a short pause as Luigi did a twist and a turn." Blue's clues! Blue's clue!"  
  
"THE BLUE'S CLUES SONG?! THIS IS SO PRICELESS!" Mario chided as he walked up closer to the shower to get a better shot of his brother, who was now dancing stupidly and shaking his own butt. It was now that Mario had lost the will of silence once again.   
  
"SHAKE IT BABY! YEAH!"  
  
The sound of his brother's irritating, taunting voice was enought to starte Luigi completely, causing him to drop his soap, which he was using as a microphone, slip on it, and fall on his back. As his back made contact with the slippery shower surface, a rather disgusting crack could be heard, followed by Luigi's screams in pain and anger.   
  
"OWW! I BROKE MY BACK! ARGH! MOTHER FUCKING SONOVA BITCH! DAMN IT MARIO YOUR GOING TO FUCKING PAY FOR THIS!"   
  
The fat plumber broke, once again, into hysterical laughter before running away from the bathroom, leaving his brother on his broken back in the bathtub.   
  
Sooner than he thought, Mario stopped laughing as he made his way into the Mushroom Kingdon arena. He turned the camera to his face. "Well, that concludes this exciting edition of..." He pondered for a few seconds, trying to think about what he was going to call his video. His face suddenly brightened. "Oh! I know!" He cleared his throat and spoke. "Well, that concludes this exciting edition of..."   
  
"PREPARE TO DIE KIRBY!"   
  
The sound of Ness' rageful voice cut Mario off and directed Mario's attention elsewhere. He turned the video camera to the direction in which he found Ness and Kirby, facing off, about to engage in a huge death fight. Ness was trying to improve his chances of victory with a knife.   
  
[Warning! Boring fight scene.]  
  
It was at that moment when Ness had jumped into the air and dived for Kirby, with the knife in his hand, he attempted to make a direct assault on Kirby's face. Kirby, however, remained in a fighting stance, glaring at Ness. As soon as Ness was five feet away from him, he tensed up and flipped his feet into the air when Ness was within a perfect distance. He hit the side of Ness' face and sent him flying in another direction. But Ness managed to flip while still in midair and landed on his feet. He charged at Kirby and suddenly skidded on one foot and, with the other in the air, planted it into Kirby's face. The big pink puffball stumbled back a little from the force of the kick, but remained standing. Kirby had then ran and cart-wheeled into Ness. It was then that the fight had turned into one huge fist fight. Kirby planted punches wherever possible on Ness. He even managed to kick Ness between the legs, which unsurprisingly was slowing Ness down. Ness was making several attempts to stab his hate. He did manage to punch him, thought most his punches just got his fist stuck in Kirby's puffy stomach. One of the times, Ness' fist really did get stuck. The young boy stuggled to pull his fist out of the fat as he dropped the knife and placed both feet in Kirby's face and pulled hard at his hand. But dropping the knife proved to be a big mistake for Ness. Kirby saw this as an opportunity. He easily bent over and picked up the knife. Though this caught Ness' eye and he froze from what he was trying to do. Kirby had smirked and thrusted the knife into Ness' chest. Ness screamed in pain as the feeling of cold and sharp steel being forced into his chest was sending a very painful shock throughtout his entire body. The boy's eyes rolled back into his head as he had lost conciousness soon after he was stabbed. He fell to the ground as his fist was released from Kirby's stomach.   
  
Kirby angrily stared down at Ness' bloody body as he threw the blood covered knife next the body on the ground.   
  
"DON'T MESS WITH THE KIRBSTER, EVER!"   
  
From his little spot, Mario stood with his rolling video camera, shocked with wide eyes. "Wow... that was something... He practically killed Ness." He kept his shocked gaze locked on Kirby doing his victory dance beside Ness' limp body. Somthing had suddenly ran across his mind. "Since when does Kirby call himself Kirbster?"   
  
When Kirby finished his dance, he landed at a point where he was able to face Mario with his active video camera. He suddenly shot and angry glare at the plumber. "YOU AGAIN?!" He began to recall when Mario had found out what had used to be his secret and got it on tape. "ITS ASS KICKING TIME!"  
  
Just by yelling that, it had amazingly signaled everyone to the arena, all looking extremely angry. Mario didn't neglect to notice that everyone that had entered the ring were the same people that he had caught on tape at their not-so-appropriate moments, exposing their secrets.   
  
Link, with his sword drawn. Captain Falcon, who was driven to wear sweatpants. Samus in full armor, readying her cannon. Fox, with the remote in his pocket, had his blaster out. All of which were about to attack their most hated person. Except DK, who was still on a couch picking his nose, Yoshi and Pikachu, who were currently in bed, Jigglypuff, who was nowhere to be found, Luigi, who was still in the shower on his broken back, with the exception of Ness not being able to do much of anything at the moment. But all who were present, glared at Mario in full force.   
  
Mario nervously looked at everyone around him as they all glared at him. Relizing that there was no possible way to run or hide, he let out a nervous laugh and put on a nervous smile to go with it. His eyes were closed and he was showing his teeth.   
  
That suddenly triggered violent reflexes in the other smashers. Without any hesitation, the all launched a direct assault on mario. Hearing the plumber scream like a girl and swinging his arms in multiple directions was enought to satisfy everyone who was now dogpiling on him. Though the fat Captain Falcon may have squashed more than intended as Fox, Samus, and Link, who were below him, yelled at him to either get off or to lose weight.   
  
Kirby watched with excitment. As he was watching with deep interest, a certain electronic recorder on the ground facing the fight had caught his eye. Kirby smirked and picked it up and turned the lense to his face. "Hey there! I'm Kirby, and I'll be finishing this home movie by showing the whole world just how stong Mario really is and how he really tries to hold his own while he's getting the shit beat out of him." He pointed the camera at the huge dogpile party going on in Mario's honor. Kirby suddenly turned the camera to another familiar pink puffball, who was running toward all the action, angry that it had not been taped when it was singing. It had then jumped up and landed on the very top. Kirby watched the other puffball happily.   
  
"YEAH JIGGLYPUFF! WAY TO HELP KICK MARIO'S ASS!"  
  
Mario was still screaming like a girl and stuggling to escape. After a good while of not being able to take the strain of the tremendous weight above him, compliments of Captain Falcon, he somehow lost conciousness. Everyone just assumed he was dead and got off of him and started pointing and laughing at him.   
  
Kirby, of course, caught all of this on tape. "Aw man, America's Funniest Videos will pay big to see Mario brought down by his own fellow nintendo people." He turned the video camera back to his face.   
  
"Well, that concludes this little video here. I'm Kirby! Goodnight all!"   
  
Kirby then turned off the video cam after 5 minutes of getting a shot of his feet, trying to figure out how to turn it off, until he found the "stop" button.   
  
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Well, there's the first chapter of the revision. I hope you all liked it. And please excuse the spelling errors. I was rather exausted when I was typing this. I spent all day and night working on it. I'll go back over it and correct it later if I find any spelling errors. Well, please review. This is the first time I've ever done a revision and I want to know what you all think about it. Chapter 2 will be up soon! Till then, later!   
  
Zorra~ 


	2. The Mystery Man

Disclaimer: I do not own Super Smash Bros, America's Funniest Videos, Jerry Springer, Post-It-Notes (yeah you heard me right), or anything else that I may have forgotton to metntion.   
  
A/N: I know it's been a while, but I've finally gotton around to updating this. Updating on MVC2 will be sometime this later this month, as my writer's block had returned a while back. But I will try my best to get chapter 7 up before christmas (I did promise that ya know). Anyway, enjoy chapter 2.   
  
Oh, does anyone have or know of a good SSBM site that will post fanfiction? If so I would love to have the Mario's Video Cam series posted. I know I have it here on fanfiction.net, but I don't really like posting "MVC Revised" here because there is much more graphic and vulgur content on this than the originals. So if you'd like to help me out, please help!   
  
WARNING!: Fox may seem a little hentai in this chapter. So beware.   
  
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Chapter 2 - The Mystery Man   
  
After a long argument with Captain Falcon, Samus, and Jigglypuff, Fox and Link ended up carrying Mario and Ness' "corpses" out the door to the nearest dumpster since no one really wanted to pay for a bunch of funeral or burial related things. No one didn't seem depressed in the least that Mario or Ness were practically out of the picture forever. They were either too happy or didn't care to even notice that Mario and Ness were actually still alive. Everyone prefered that Mario should be dead anyway. As for Ness, no one really noticed him.   
  
As everyone began to celebrate because of Mario, who had always claimed to be their boss because he was thought of to be more famous, being out of their lives for good. Kirby began to examine that tape in Mario's video camera. Not wanting to back out on his original plan to send the tape to America's Funniest Videos, he decided that he should look at everything on the tape before sending in the "Kick Mario's Ass" clip. Though already, laziness was getting to the pudgy puffball.   
  
"HEY SAMUS!"   
  
This caused the female bounty hunter to groan in annoyance and get up from the couch to approach Kirby. She knew how the puffball was fat and lazy and had always asked people to do his work for him. The only reason she knew this was because she was always the one he would ask to do his work.   
  
Samus looked down at the creature, who's height was only up to her knees. "What?"   
  
"What's AFV's address?"   
  
Samus rolled her eyes. "Beats me. How should I know? Why don't you watch the show to find out?"   
  
"Well," Kirby looked down at his feet. " I was hoping you could watch for the address for me."   
  
The bounty hunter groaned again, not surprised one bit by the request Kirby was making. "Am I your servant or something? Watch it yourself."   
  
"Aw, fine." Kirby said in a disappointed tone.   
  
Much to Samus' surprise, Kirby then looked up at her and held the tape up. "Will you at least watch this and find something funny on it?" The puffball caught Samus' annoyed expression, but did not stop there. "And then will you watch for the address because I'm hungry and sleepy and-"   
  
"NO! DO IT YOURSELF YOU FAT, LAZY TUB OF LARD!" With that yelled and done, Samus stormed off to her room and slammed the door shut loud enough for all of the inhabitants of the building to hear.   
  
Kirby wryly smiled as he stared at the hallway Samus retreated into. "Must be that time of the month."   
  
Snickering at his own remark, Kirby began to make his way to the TV room. The room was just the way the pink puffball liked it; deserted, cozy, consisting of the smell of pizza from a week ago, trashy. If he could, Kirby would live in this room. By some odd reason, it would be Kirby's dream room.   
  
Without further interuption, the puffball slid the tape into the VCR and rewound it. He then plopped himself onto the comfy sofa and pressed play. After an hour of going through and replaying the same clips of Mario getting his ass kicked for invading people's privacy, and complaining about not having any popcorn, Kirby finally came to a decision on what clip he was going to use. He got off the couch and took out the tape and smiled mischievously at it. "Oh man, AFV is going to pay me big when they see Luigi in the shower."   
  
Kirby yawned and walked out of the TV room and started to his own room down the hallways. "All I need to do now is watch for the address and send in the tape. This'll be so great." As Kirby entered his room, someone from the shadows of his own room was watching Kirby's every move.   
  
  
  
Later that night, Kirby was sound asleep in his bed, which was covered with empty bags of potato chips and empty soda cans. He was snoring and dreaming about his dream lover, Jigglypuff.   
  
While Kirby was off in dream land with his fellow puffball, a certain someone had quietly walked into Kirby's room through the wide opened door and walked through the depths of the food covered pit. He stepped over what had appeared to be left over potato chips and candy bar wrappers. He approached the night stand next to Kirby's bed and took the only thing on it that wasn't food related, the video camera. Then he walked over to Kirby's desk and grabbed the tape, which was the only thing that didn't have food or Jigglypuff's picture on it. Then he silently made his way out the door and back into his own room, closing his door and locking it. He smirked as he put the tape back into the video camera. "Time for revenge."   
  
  
  
The very next day, the person who had taken the cam corder from Kirby's room had gone through his closet and found a couple of things that would prove to be helpful on his new quest he was planning for the day. a white Jason mask, a tuxedo, and red bandana (for his head)[Hence The Mystery Man]. He quickly put on these items and picked up the video camera and stepped outside his door into the hallway. He glared at the electronic recorder.   
  
"No one makes a fool of me and gets away with it, NO ONE!" He snarled as he turned on the video camera and turned it to his masked face. "Hello, I'm not Mario, but I'm going to show you how much better I am at making interesting videos than he is, without getting seriously hurt." He chuckled in an evil tone as he began to turn the camera away from his face and walk down the empty hallway. "As for who I am. Well, I am The Mystery Man."   
  
  
  
The Mystery Man had set up the trap for his first victim for the video camera. There was a table with cheeseburgers that were stacked up to the ceiling. Beside the tasty food was a note. When he finished up everything, The Mystery Man ran into a nearby closet with the cam corder to conceal himself from view. Not too long after The Mystery Man put together his ingenius plan, Captain Falcon entered the scene, sweatpants and all. He immediately saw the table of cheeseburgers and quickly made his way over to the table while mumbling about all the tables always being so far away. He examined the contents the table happily as he came across the note.   
  
Hey Captain Stupid,   
  
If you manage to eat all of these cheeseburgers, I will pay you $100,000 in cash. Briefcase and all. But you have to finish them all within ten minutes after reading this note.   
  
-Samus Aran  
  
Captain Falcon's face lit up with an obvious glee. "WOW! 100,000 BIG ONES?! COOL! I'D BETTER START EATING!"   
  
The Mystery Man zoomed in on Captain Falcon as he began to stuff three burgers at once into his mouth. Less than ten minutes after reading the note, Captain Falcon was on his last burger. At this point, Falcon was feeling a little constipated. "Oh man, I don't feel so good." Though it was becoming too much for the racer to handle, he was determined to finish his last burger. So with the rest of his will power, he shoved the final cheeseburger into his wide-opened mouth and began to chew. As soon as he swallowed, he had one thing on his mind. "I wonder why its so breezy in here."   
  
If Captain Falcon knew the reason for the breeze, he would have noticed earlier if he hadn't gained so much weight. Falcon was now bigger than the table. Not only that, but since he had eaten more than he thought he could, his sweatpants had actually gotten so tight that they had ripped apart into little pieces. As for his thong underwear, which he normally wore to show off his ass in his tight purple pants, where they disappeared to is a mystery that no one may want to find out about.   
  
Of course Captain Falcon hadn't noticed any of this until Yoshi walked into the room. He didn't seem to see anything at first glance. "Hey Falcon! What are you do-" It was at that point that Yoshi's eyes became as wide as dinner plates. He had caught a glimpse of something he didn't want to see. " AAH! OH MY GOD! PUT SOME PANTS ON MAN! I DON'T WANT TO SEE THAT UGLY THING! OH SICK! I THINK I'M GONNA LOSE MY LUNCH!"   
  
As Yoshi ran straight towards the nearest bathroom, the dumb Captain Falcon stood in his place watching the green dinosaur run off to empty his stomach. He then looked down to what he had always called his "Prized Area" and saw that his sweatpants were no longer present. His eyes widened under his helmet's visor, which he never took off. "OH GOD!" He then became angrier then he had ever been before. "SAMUS ARAN, YOUR GOING TO PAY FOR THIS!" He then started running off to find Samus, making the entire place shake in the process.   
  
From his closet, The Mystery Man was beginning to bust up in laughter. "Oh damn! Now that was great! The stupid dolt didn't even notice that it wasn't Samus who wrote the not! It was me!" His hard laughter then became an evil cackle as he began to ponder on what he was going to do for fun next.   
  
  
  
A little later, The Mystery Man had found another closet to hide in. This time, in the TV room, where Fox and Pikachu were watching Jerry Springer for the hell of it. The Mystery Man grinned. "Now, in a few moments, I'm going to show what Fox likes to watch when he's all alone." He chuckled. "And it ain't the Teletubbies."   
  
The Mystery Man turned the camera to the pair sitting in front of the TV. They watched certain people yell, curse, chant Jerry's name endlessly, and throw chairs and punches at one another for a good while. Then Pikachu yawned and stood up on his tiny yellow feet. "Well Foxy, I'm gonna go find Yoshi and bug him for a while. You can have the TV."   
  
Fox looked over at the electric mouse and smiled at him. "Okay, thanks. See ya later!"   
  
Pikachu bid the vixen a farewell as he walked out and closed the door behind him. After watching Pikachu's every move towards the door, Fox quickly got up and ran over to the door and locked it. He then ran over to the nearest phone and picked it up and dialed a number. The other line rang twice before it was answered.   
  
"Yeah?" Fox grinned. As expected, Falco had answered the phone.   
  
"Hey Falco, its me, Fox." Though Falco wasn't there with him, Fox didn't need to see the avian's face to know that he was rolling his eyes.   
  
"Really? Why don't you tell me something that I don't already know." Fox groaned at at his teamate.  
  
"Look Feather Head, I didn't call you to play the name calling games or anything like that! I called about that certain channel that I was wanting."   
  
The avian grinned on the other line. "Why? Are you sexually starved already? I'm surprised at you. It's only noon." Falco began to snicker as he noted his leader's growing impatience by his usual attempts to interrogate Fox just for fun.   
  
"FALCO! THAT'S NOT FUNNY!"   
  
"So you are sexually starved right now."   
  
"Shut up! Just send me the damn channel so I can hang up!"   
  
Falco smirked. "Okay, but just remember to be a little nicer next time. Otherwise I'm not going to be so generous to you." Fox heard Falco chuckle through the phone.   
  
"FINE! I'll be nice next time! Now get me the stupid channel!"   
  
"Say 'Please'."   
  
"ARGH! DAMNIT FALCO!"   
  
"Meh, close enough."   
  
Fox heard Falco put down the phone and start typing on his computer. Supposedly hacking into a satellite system to alter programs and signals on the television. As soon as the typing ceased, Falco had picked the phone back up. "Allright Foxy, you now have channel 1000. Hope it doesn't make you yearn too much for sex."   
  
Fox rolled his eyes. "Yeah, whatever. Thanks." He hung the phone up before Falco could say anything else. Not wanting the interrogation session continue any longer.   
  
Without any further hesitation, Fox grabbed the remote and changed the channel to 1000. He quietly sat on his knees directly in front of the TV, not caring in the least that it could seriously damage his vision. Fox turned the volume up as a female announcer's exotic voice was heard.   
  
"Good afternoon and welcome to the Adult Channel. Here you will see a lot of nudity. Best of all, for all of you sexually starved men, some female exotic dancers."   
  
Not once did Fox take his eyes away from the TV. Even the announcer was somehow getting him aroused. He smiled wryly. "Oh yeah...."   
  
"Now remember, you must be over twenty-one years old to watch this channel. So we trust that if your under age, you will change the channel immediately."   
  
Fox scowled at the TV after taking notice that he was only eighteen years old. "Screw the damn honor system! Get to the nude already!"   
  
"Okay, now for the moment all of you sex starved people have been waiting for... The Exotic Dancing Hour."   
  
The vixen's eyes became as large as dinner plates as The Exotic Dancing Hour started. Fox was so preoccupied with the TV that he didn't even notice the fact that he was getting turned on by a TV and was laughing stupidly.   
  
The Mystery Man watched from his little space in the closet, taking notice that it looked as if Fox was having the most wonderful time of his life. It was almost looking as if this were the way Fox had always wanted things to be. The Mystery Man, however, had something different planned for the vixen's looming future.   
  
Slowly, The Mystery Man opened his closet door and tip-toed out the door with his rolling video camera in hand. He put the cam corder under his arm and dug from his pocket, Post-It-Notes and an ink pen. He quickly wrote something down on the note and peeled if from the note pad and placed it on the door. He snickers and hides in a nearby room, which, ironically, was Fox's own room.   
  
After a few minutes went by, the puffballed pokemon known as Jigglypuff approached the door. She stopped in her tracks as the yellow sticky note on the door caught her attention. She carefully read it outloud. "I'm watching a porno channel without paying for it. Please come in and beat the shit out of me and throw me out the window into the dumpster."   
  
Jigglypuff, being the sweet, obedient pokemon that she was, reached up for the doorknob. "Well, signs are meant to be read. So it's pounding time for whoever's in here."   
  
The pink pokemon walked into the room and saw none other than Fox McCloud watching The Exotic Dancing Hour. Not once did he look away from the TV to see who opened the door. Mainly due to the fact that he only had less than half of a mind at the moment. Without warning, Jigglypuff lunged at Fox from behind and tackled him face first into the floor and began to punch at any place possible. Fox yelped in shock as he was tackled to the floor, but didn't forget about what he was watching. The whole time, Fox was trying to glance back up at the TV with the result of getting a pink fluffy foot in his mouth. He kept trying to escape what seemed like Jigglypuff's version of a death fight, though it mostly felt as if it were a mere pillow fight. When Jigglypuff was satisfied with Fox's beating, she tackled into him hard and sent him flying through the window, down into a nearby dumpster.   
  
Fox blinked a few times before he stood up from the filth that he landed in, glaring up at the window. "Damnit! How the bloody hell did she find out?! I locked the damn door! HOW IN THE FUCKING HELL DID SHE MANAGE TO-" He froze in the middle of his sentence as a relization dawned on him. He was in a dumpster. A dumpster had happened to be the place where he and Link picked as the burial ground for Mario and Ness. "This can't be the same dumpster. Could it?"   
  
Slowly, Fox turned to find what he didn't want to; Mario and Ness lay in a huge mound of cheeseburger wrappers from Captain Falcon's cheeseburger dare from Samus.   
  
Catching sight of the bloody bodies set off an instant reaction in Fox. He immediately scrambled to jump for the top of the dumpster to get out; all attempts proving to be unsucessful due to the fact that the dumpster was twice as high as the normal ones. It was now that Fox damned Mario's idea of increasing the amount of garbage space in the dumpsters for more frequent usage.   
  
Finding that his stuggle to get out was futile, Fox resorted to screaming for help. "SOMEBODY PLEASE HELP ME! THIS STUPID THING IS TOO HIGH! DAMN YOU MARIO! SOMEBODY PLEASE HELP!"   
  
Up in the building, The Mystery Man was peering the video cam down at Fox in the dumpster from the window he was thrown out of. He smirked victoriously as he caught Fox's every move, which ended up in a hopeless struggle to get out of what was currently known as Mario and Ness' burial grounds. "Sweet...."   
  
TBC...  
  
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Okay, this chapter is done. Don't know when the next one will be up though. Just keep watching for it to magically appear sometime. -_-' Yeah, weird. I know. Oh, if anyone at all reads this, check out my latest fic, "I Killed Mario..."  
  
-Zorra Lombardi 


	3. More Video Havoc

Disclaimer: I don't own Super Smash Bros or anything that may sound a little funny in this.  
  
A/N: Hey, back again. Just to clear some things up. I've been slacking a little during the past few weeks. Plus I've had an evil report to do. So, now that that's over and done with, I have more free time to work on my fics. That also goes for IKM (I Killed Mario), which chapter 3 will be appearing very soon. I hope. In the meantime, here's this chapter. Hope you enjoy it.  
  
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More Video Havoc!  
  
After having his long enjoyed amusement of watching the Fox McCloud trying to get out of a very large dumpster, The Mystery Man continued down the hall and approached the living room entrance. "Here, we are about to see the infamous young swordsman, Link, the good and proud protector of Hyrule. The nice friendly guy that only loves one girl, Princess Zelda." He smirked. "Or, in this case, Samus Aran."  
  
The Mystery Man walked into the living room and hid behind the nearest couch. He peered the camera over the side to bring into view, Link, who was standing up against the wall, watching Samus cleaning some of her armor. She was sitting in a recliner across from Link, who was completely oblivious to Samus. She then dropped a piece of her armor and then leaned forward to pick it up. It had suddenly seemed as if Samus' shirt had moved a little too much for Link's liking. His eyes went wide as he began to inch forward a bit to try and get a decent view of the contents within her shirt. The Mystery Man saw this as a window of opportunity. He picked up a nearby book and threw it at Link's back and hit his target, causing Link to suddenly stumble and fall practically head first into Samus' shirt.  
  
After this had happened, Samus' eyes widened to a point where they rivaled dinner plates as she began to angrily and frantically force Link's head out of her shirt. "AH! YOU DISGUSTING PERVERT! GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY SHIRT!!!" She roared as she had managed to force Link out of her shirt and began to angrily glare daggers at the boy. "You sick Perv! How dare you shove your head down my shirt! JUST WHAT IN THE FUCKING HELL WERE YOU THINKING?!!"  
  
Link stuggled to come up with a reasonable excuse to keep from getting seriously injured. "Uh... I didn't do it on purpose, Samus-chan!" He said. He almost flinched from fear when he heard the female bounty hunter growl. It became obvious to Link that she did not like to be refered to as "Samus- chan". He then decided that it wouldn't kill him to be honest. "Something hit me from behind and I fell and accidentally went straight into your shir- "  
  
"Yeah right! You were probably just standing somewhere watching me the time, weren't you?! You were waiting for an opportunity to stare at something other than MY ASS!!!!" Samus snapped. Link had now begun to nervously blink.  
  
"Samus, I swear, I didn't want to jump in your shirt." Link stated rather frankly, but not calmly. "I just did what I always do almost every other day when I get lonely; stand against the wall and try to look at your ass like I always..... Uh-oh." By this time, Link caught the sight of Samus' twitching right eye.  
  
"Uh-oh, is right!" She shouted at him angrily as she pulled out one of the ray guns that she had taken from the Super Smash Bros. weaponry room. She pointed it at Link. "Prepare to die, Link!"  
  
After letting out a fearful "Eep!", Link turned on his heel and sped out the door of the room, narrowly managing to dodge a shot from the ray gun in the process. He ran down the hallway as Samus had began to follow him in hot pursuit, ready to take down her victim. She fired many missed shots at Link in the process, much to her annoyance, while charing the walls and flower pots instead of Link's head.  
  
"Run all you want, Linky! Your never going to excape from me until you die!" Samus roared as Link had ran into a neaby room and shut the door and locked it.  
  
The Mystery Man had emerged from his hiding place and began to tip-toe to a neaby room while Samus angrily pounded on the door that Link had ran into. "Excellent, I knew he'd go in there." The Mystery Man whispered to his camera. "Luckily, I can get in by going through the connecting door in Kirby's room. " He walked into the empty, trash filled room that was Kirby's. He went to the door by his bedside and opened it and peered his video camera lense into the doorway, revealing the room that Link had baracaded himself in; a bathroom. He smirked at Link as he stood in front of the closed door, chuckling.  
  
"She'll never get in here. This door is virtually impregnable now that its locked." Link chided triumphantly as if he had just discovered the true meaning of life. He then blinked as got the feeling that is seemed a little hot and damp in the room. It was then that he noticed that the entire room was filled with what looked like white mist. "Hey, why is it so steamy in here?"  
  
It was then that he took into notice the sounds of running water, squeeling, and moaning. Link suddenly got a bad feeling that he wasn't the only one in this room. Slowly, Link turned away from the door. Only to find something that he did not ever want to see. His eyes went wide as his body almost went completely numb from shock. The sight he saw was none other than Yoshi and Pikachu, making love in the shower.  
  
Link remained oblivious to Yoshi and Pikachu until he let out an ear piercing, high pitched scream. Pikachu broke the sloppy wet kiss and looked over at Link, who looked panic striken. He smiled slyly. "Oh, we're sorry. We must've forgot to close the curtain." Pikachu said, as if nothing were wrong.  
  
Link shot a look at the pair that could only be described as panic and shock. "Oh my god! You guys are getting it on with each other!"  
  
Yoshi then glanced over at the boy in a suductive manner. "Care to join us, Link?"  
  
Linknow had a mortified look on his face. "NO! I don't want to fucking join you! Don't you two know that your both guys and your both weird looking animal creatures and your not-.... well- the same species?! You guys are crazy!!"  
  
Yoshi and Pikachu both glanced back at each other and then back at Link. Then the pair said in unison, "Yeah, so?"  
  
Link gasped and already felt as if he were on the verge of hyperventalating from complete shock. He then shrieked and jumped as the sounds of pounding on the door behind him became loud enough to startle him. He supressed another shriek as Samus' voice was heard.  
  
"Damnit, Link! I know your in there! You can't stay in there forever! You've got to come out sometime!" Samus' angry voice roared from the other side of the door.  
  
It was then that a small dilema was placed on Link. He could either open the door and make a run for it, but also risk being brutally murdered in the process. Either that, or he could stay in the bathroom and be safe from Death, who was standing outside the door in Samus' body, and be forced to watch an electric mouse pokemon and small green dinosaur have an orgy together.  
  
Link had instantly made his decision as he scrambled for the door knob. "Yeah, I know that by a proved fact, Samus! And that time is now!"  
  
After figuring out that he had been turning the door knob the wrong way, Link burst out of the bathroom and dashed down the hallway, away from the insanity (or so Link thinks), screaming frantically.  
  
Samus had caught sight of Link after she emerged from behind the door that had just hit her in the face. "Run all you want! You'll never get away from me!"  
  
The bounty hunter was about to give chase, but just as she began to dash after her victim, she stopped as something had instantly caught her eye in the bathroom that Link had been hiding in. Yoshi and Pikachu had, once again, continued to make love in the shower. Samus' eyes widened as she took notice of Yoshi being on top. Like Link, Samus had let out a distinct "Eep!" as she watched the pair, horrified and disgusted. At the sound, Yoshi looked up and saw the female bounty hunter. "Hey Pika-kun, I think we're being exposed again."  
  
Pikachu looked up and saw Samus standing in the doorway, staring at them. He was about to say something, but Samus had opened her opened her mouth before he could.  
  
"Oh dear God! You guys are so disgusting!" She shouted before screaming and running away down the hallway as Link had already done.  
  
Pikachu looked up at Yoshi. "We really need to start closing the shower curtains."  
  
  
  
Link had continued to run down the hallway while screaming. He skided around the corners, nearly hitting the walls as he kept running to who knows where. He finally made it to the TV room, figuring that he could hide from the world in here. He shut the door and locked it before looking around for a hiding place. He saw the closet and then ran over to its door, but stopped as he reached for the door knob.  
  
"What am I thinking? I can't hid in here! Its too obvious!" He then rushed for the recliner and knelt beside it. "Not here! Too small! I'll end up as a chlosterphobic psyco." He stood up and ran to a suspicously dark and shadowy corner. He glaced down at it. "Nah, I had my last nervous breakdown here." He then turned and saw the TV. Link smiled. "Perfect!"  
  
Figuring the he could hide behind the TV and hug his knees to his chest and officially call himself traumatized, Link made a mad dash for the TV. However, Link had failed to notice most of the cords on the floor. As he neared the area behind the TV, his foot got caught under one of the cords and he suddenly tripped. He, however, did not fall and land face first on the floor. Instead, he fell through an open window. Screaming frantically, Link plunged downwards as the thought of jumping back up to the window while in midair had never occured to him. He didn't even brace himself for impact as he neared the bottom. He decided to wait for his inevitable doom, but it never came. Instead, he laded head first into a huge pile of garbage.  
  
"WAH!" Link immediately brought his head up from the filth and looked around alarmingly and in the process, saw Fox McCloud, leaning up against the walls of what Link had assumed was a dumpster's. Fox was staring at Link as if he were insane. He had his arms crossed.  
  
"What's up with you?" The vixen said, earning a shocked glance from the blonde swordsman.  
  
"What do you mean by that?!" Link shouted, while Fox looked at him strangely.  
  
"I mean that you look as if you haven't had a decent night's sleep in ages. You look like you just had the shit scared out of you." Fox said as his eyes never left Link. The young hero was flushed, his eyes were wide, and he also appeared to be panting for breath. Fox blinked at Link. It was not like Link to ever show this type of weakness. "Are you all right? Did something scare you?"  
  
Link sighed. "As a matter of fact, yes. It was more traumatizing than frightening though. I actually didn't know which one would be more suitable to describe what I saw."  
  
"Well, what exactly did you see? Maybe I can tell you which word is more suitable." Fox said as he uncrossed his arms and approached Link.  
  
"I'm sure if you saw Yoshi and Pikachu fucking each other in a shower then you'd probably say that you were traumatized and frightened for life too, Fox. So don't worry about it." Link said as he looked at Fox. The vixen's eyes had widened.  
  
"Ugh! Okay, that's just.... wrong!" Fox said. Just the thought of a green dinosaur and a pokemon that could somehow possibly be related to the family of Rodentia made him feel sick. He then had an image of those two in his head, which nearly caused him to flinch. "Yep. I definately stand by what I say on that."  
  
"Who wouldn't?" Said Link. A sudden curiosity had struck him at that very moment. "Hey, Fox. Just what are you doing down here in a dumpster anyway?"  
  
Fox grunted and turned away. "Understand one thing first. I'm not down here on my own free will. I've actually been screaming for help for about three hours now." He said as Link gave him an odd look.  
  
"How in the hell did you end up down here?!" Link asked. Fox grunted again.  
  
"Jigglypuff. That damn little pink blubber ball just walked in on me while I was watching- um.... Well, that's not important right now. Anyway, she tried to beat the shit out of me, but nothing she did actually hurt me. After a while, I got sick of it. So I made it look like she'd managed to weaken me some. Then she threw me out the window and I ended up down here." Fox explained as Link gave him a very questioning look.  
  
"Why'd Jigglypuff just suddenly decide to walk in and try to kill you in her own way?" Link said as Fox shrugged.  
  
"I guess she's just lost it."  
  
"And why haven't you gotten out yet?"  
  
"Why are you asking so many questions?"  
  
"You won't like the answer."  
  
"I don't care. Just tell me." It was then that Fox felt that he should just get this over with before more questions were asked.  
  
"Okay. I can't get out." This made Link's eyebrows shoot up into his hairline.  
  
"What?"  
  
Fox sighed. "The damn dumpster walls are too high for anyone to jump out of and since no one is nearby, they can't exactly hear our cries for help. Hence the reason why I'm down still down here."  
  
Link, once again, had looked panic stricken. "So, we're stuck down here?" Link said, his voice sounding more in a scared tone than it once was. "Forever?"  
  
Fox just shrugged. "Not sure exactly. It depends if we're lucky enough to have someone at least stop listening to the TV for a few seconds. But judging by how long I've been down here, it now seems highly unlikely that we will be saved before the week is over."  
  
"Your serious?" Link gasped. He didn't wait for Fox's reply to that. He just went on to scream, "Oh my God! We're stuck down here forever! WE'RE DOOMED!"  
  
Fox just shook his head. "It gets worse." He said as bellowed to the two corpses at the other end of the dumpster that were Mario and Ness.  
  
Link shrieked and screamed again. "Holly fucking hell!! Get me out of here!! MOMMY!!! HELP ME!!!"  
  
Fox merely sighed as Link scrambled to get out with no sucess. Knowing that Link was currently having some serious psychologicalissues at the moment, he decided to let this little psychological phase of Link's run its course until Link actually figured out that it was pointless to try and jump out of the dumpster. Fox, once again, crossed his arms and leaned back against the wall and just watched Link as he tried his futile attempts to escape.  
  
Up at the window, The Mystery Man and his video camera, however, did hear their cries for help, but chose to ignore them. The sight of Fox and Link trapped in a dumpster together with Mario and Ness was enticing to go unnoticed. "Oh yeah! Now this is what I'm talkin about here." He said. He then let out a small chuckle. "Now, who's our next victim?"  
  
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Well, that's taken care of. Now I have to start on the next chapter. Oh, just to keep you all in suspense, the original version of this only had 9 chapters. That will change in this. This one is going to have 10 (like me, your probably gonna start thinking "Oh yeah, real big improvement." and then roll your eyes). The extra one will explain exactly what Luigi was doing when he forgot to shut the video camera off in his room. So, there's something to wait for. Lol. Anwyway, updates will be soon I hope. Eventually, I will go back over these chapters and correct anything that needs correcting. Until then, try not to be bothered by the mistakes.  
  
-Zorra 


End file.
